"Happiness resides not in possessions, and not in gold, happiness dwells in the soul."
I confess to feeling somewhat overwhelmed today, bordering on melancholy. Generally when I walk into my garage, I smile. I look around at the (controlled) chaos and feel a perverse sense of achievement; Stacks of parts, shelves lined with tote bins, vehicles in various states of array lining the walls, etc. Today however was a different tale. I looked around and felt ashamed that I had all of these projects unfinished and collecting dust.
I thought of the time it would take to finish them all and the expense involved. Then I proceeded to feel a bit worse. I realized that what was once a dream has become a bit of a nightmare for me. I have acquired some wonderful items and with them a lifetime of dedication that would take me away from other passions and people in my life. Not to mention being able to actually enjoy the fruits of my labour by driving/riding said completed vehicle.
Today, for the first time I felt somewhat claustrophobic, longing for space and singular focus.
Perhaps this happens to anyone who has a collection of any kind, where eventually all things become old, even the feeling.
I can't count how many times I have read or heard 'I used to have one of those, best bike/car I ever owned. I should have never sold it'.
Regret. Long lasting. Decisions made during a low point in one's life.
The feeling stayed with me until I came home and found a parcel waiting for me from Walridge Motors.
I knew what was inside, however a small wave of anticipation passed through me. There is something so exciting about new parts.....
I then picked up some valve covers and began to work out the scratches with the abrasive wheel.
My sense of satisfaction slowly started to return, as did my sense of happiness. Any lingering questions or doubts completely dissipated.
I realized that it would only ever be action that keeps the bad feeling away, accomplishment.
The question of ownership becomes irrelevant as one accepts the position of caretaker instead.
Once again I looked around at the (controlled) chaos and felt that perverse sense of achievement; Stacks of parts, shelves lined with tote bins, vehicles in various states of array lining the walls, etc.
I thought of my teenage self, pouring through 'The World of Motorcycles'. It was clear that I had attained a wonderful goal, time and money be damned!
I just needed to put it into perspective.
Until Next time....